I know this has been done. Perhaps even overdone. But, it hasn't been done by me. So, I'm doing it, and I'm making no apologies!
Welcome to my year...in words and in photos. I hope you enjoy your visit!
I started this blog on January 1, 2014 fully committed to posting every day, sharing my year through pictures and words. The universe, however, had different plans for me. So here I sit, reflecting on the year, and all the changes and challenges it has brought. 2014 was a year of transitions. Some difficult, some exciting, some joyful, but all life changing. I end the year a different person than I was when it started, but I guess that's kind of how it works for everyone. We change and grow as time passes. It feels like maybe this year, for me, there was just a little more change, a little more growth, than normal.
So here is my year in review. The good, the bad and...you get the idea.
Saying goodbye.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love."
~Washington Irving
Not a day goes by that I don't think about my dad and miss him, so much. Some days the grief still stops me in my tracks and steals my breath. Losing him turned my world upside down and I am still working on getting used to my new normal. Not sure how long it will take, but I know I will get there someday. Until then, I take each day as it comes and place one foot in front of the other. I cry, I laugh, and I remember how incredibly blessed I am to have been raised by the most amazing man I will ever know.
...
I love you, Dad. I miss you more than words could ever say.
New Adventures.
"If you can dream it, you can do it." ~Walt Disney
I decided in late September to start my Pampered Chef business. It was a scary and exciting decision, and those emotions stick with me today. Since then, Pampered Chef has taken over my kitchen (and the kitchens of some family members as well!) So far I am really enjoying the process, and hope to continue to grow my business in the new year. If you need anything for your kitchen, you know who to call ;)
Welcome home. Finally!
"Where thou art, that is home." ~Emily Dickinson
It was almost 6 years in the works, but Vince was finally able to find a job here in Colorado and make the move from Houston! I flew to Houston on September 26th, we whirlwind packed, loaded up the truck and were home on the night of October 1st. The trip was exhausting, but pretty uneventful until the last leg when we hit a slight bump in the road, so to speak. One bump in the road isn't too bad for an 1100+ mile drive!
In the end we made it home safely, and it has been amazing having him here...finally! It was a long time coming, but so totally worth the wait! We celebrated 6 years, and my birthday, on December 10, and I am looking forward to so many more!
...
My favorite moments.
"We do not remember days, we remember moments." ~Cesare Pavese
Through all the ups and downs of the year, there were some amazing moments that I will never forget. While I can't begin to include them all, here are a few of those moments...
...
So long 2014.
"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
As I bid farewell to 2014, I have no idea what the new year will bring, but whatever it may be I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous 2015!
Yesterday was the 57th anniversary of the day my parents got married. What an amazing love, and life, they shared. And what an amazing gift that love, and life, was to all of us kids.
I am so grateful that God chose to bless me with such amazing parents. I learned so much from them both, not the least of which was the meaning and importance of love, of family, of forgiveness.
Thank you Mom and Dad for all the gifts you have given me. I love you, with all my heart!
Losing someone you love is never easy. Whether the loss is sudden and unexpected, as with my dad, or there is a period of knowing, "preparing", before the loss. Saying goodbye, letting go, is hard for those of us left behind.
This morning, the father of a childhood friend passed away after a long struggle with cancer. My heart aches for her, and for her family, as I know all too well the pain they are feeling now. I wish I had words of wisdom to help ease their pain, but I don't. I can only offer them my condolences and prayers.
This morning I am crying, not only for my loss, but for theirs as well. I hope time, and love, faith and family, bring us all peace and fewer tears as we remember the happy times.
Rest in peace, Mr. Perkins. I can still hear your voice on the sidelines at our soccer games yelling, "Go posies!".
Growing up, I always knew my dad was big and strong. His outward appearance gave the impression of a "tough guy", which he could be when the situation warranted it, but most of the time he was a big teddy bear. Especially for us kids. He was never the best at saying he loved us, but he had an amazing talent for showing us how much we meant to him.
I remember getting a card and some candy from Dad every year on Valentine's day when I was a kid. For many years, the candy was a box of pecan turtles. I remember the first bite of my very first valentine turtle. I thought it was the most disgusting thing I had ever eaten! But I never told Dad. And every year I'd get another box. Over time I learned to love those darn things. Now, all these years later, they are one of my favorite candies, and every time I eat one I think of my dad and smile!
A few years ago, when I moved to Loveland and was close to Mom and Dad again, the Valentines from Dad started again too. He carried the tradition on to my daughter as well, and I know how very special that was for her.
Those little tokens of his love meant so much to me over the years...and I will forever cherish the memories they created.
It's so hard to believe it's been a whole month. In some ways, the time seems to have gone by so quickly. And in other ways, the days have just dragged on and on.
I know, in time, things will be easier, although I can't really imagine that right now. My heart is still broken and I can't imagine it ever feeling better.
I love you Dad. I miss you more than words could ever express.
It's so hard to believe that it's February already. In so many ways it feels like everything came to a screeching halt on January 12th and that time stopped passing. It still seems so unreal and I keep thinking I will wake up at any moment and it will all be a nightmare...but I know that will never really happen.
I just continue to put one foot in front of the other and take one day (sometimes one minute) at a time.
Mom and I have talked about all the "Firsts" that we will be facing in the days, weeks and months to come. Yesterday I faced a few of those...
The day Dad died, we had a family dinner at my cousins house (carrying on a tradition started by my Grandma). It was a fun day, dinner, football, and for a few of us, cards. At half time of the Bronco game, we decided to move across the street to my Aunts house to finish the Bronco game. Mom and Dad decided to go home at that point, and finish watching the game there. It was only 10 or 15 minutes later that my mom called and asked me to come to their house (right next door to my aunt and uncle's house). When I got outside I saw the firetruck and ambulance...I got in the house and Mom told me he was unconscious and I saw the paramedics working on him. He never woke up. I think it was just over an hour later that marks the official time of death.
Yesterday, my cousin hosted another family dinner, before the Super Bowl, and then we moved across the street to watch the game. I had no idea how much anxiety I had about facing the day until I had nightmares all night on Saturday. I hadn't been to my cousins since that day. The last time I saw my dad conscious was at her house. When I first woke up on Sunday morning, I decided I was going to stay home. I just couldn't face it. I didn't even want to step foot out of my bed. But the more I thought of it, I knew I had to face it. I can't allow myself to sink in to the dark place I was threatening to go by not even getting out of bed. That would have been the easy course, but I couldn't let it happen. Dad would never want that. We had dinner, and we visited, and it was good.
After dinner, we went across the street and someone broke out the cards. And I faced another first. I played, and I enjoyed myself.
And as much as I was hoping the Broncos would win, for Dad, I know he was there with us, and I know he was happy they made it as far as they did. And, I know he would have been yelling at the TV with the rest of us, all through the game!
So, rather than stay in bed and allow myself to sink in to the darkness and depression that is threatening me daily, I cried a little (or a lot) and did what I had to do. I faced my fears and dread head on. I survived. And now I have a little extra strength to help me through the next firsts I face.
I just had a conversation with my daughter about this blog. I told her that I'm not sure that this was the "right" year to start it. I'm so sad, and feeling lost, and scared about facing this new reality. I don't know how to process what's happening. How can I write a blog that will interest anyone when I can't even form coherent sentences in my own mind?
My daughter said, "If you hadn't started the blog, you probably never would have taken this picture."
The last picture of my Dad. Taken less than 24 hours before he died.
She is 100% correct. I probably wouldn't have taken the picture. I took it specifically thinking about the post I was going to write later that night.
Now I know. This was exactly the right year to start it.
I heard this song for the first time today. I've listened to it numerous times now and it's bringing comfort to my broken heart.
http://youtu.be/Yeu1kpq0QbM
You fill my cup when I'm used up and poured out, so depleted. You are my light, you make things right, so I stand, undefeated.
When war comes round you stand my ground as I fall, so mistreated. Through so much rain you keep me sane and I remain, undefeated. Undefeated.
You heal these wounds, unseal my tomb, and I rise, undefeated.
Both of my parents had birthdays this week (Mom on the 7th and Dad on the 10th) so I made dinner for them tonight to celebrate! Adam and Ashley came too, as a surprise! After dinner we played dominos, it was a fun night :)
Another holiday season has passed, and that means it's time to take down the tree and pack the decorations until next year. It's always a bittersweet process for me because I love Christmas, the decorations, and the spirit of the season. Plus, as I get older, time seems to pass so much faster...the season seems shorter every year.
Although I do enjoy an occasional frufru coffee, I have never been an avid coffee drinker *gasp*, so I have been quite pleased to indulge in a new tea obsession! I have always liked tea, but my obsession was reawakened when we toured the Celestial Seasonings factory last month.
I tend to be a "find something I like and stop trying new things" kind of girl, so I am trying to break out of that habit and try some new teas. I have been pleasantly surprised! Don't get me wrong, I still LOVE my jasmine green. I could drink it all day, every day and never get tired of it. And Good Earth sweet and spicy is a close second, but I have been broadening my horizons and enjoying the ride!
My new little teapot! Short and stout ;)
Yum! I can't get enough of this tea! I prefer it iced.
This one is good hot or cold!
A new one, with a nice caffeine kick, to add to my favorites! Tastes a little gingerbready.
My cute little chefs, to watch over the tea making process :P
It was a mostly gray and dreary day today, which fit my gray and dreary mood.
I am never good at saying goodbye, and today was no exception. I tried to keep my chin up most of the day, but am feeling pretty blue tonight...and my house feels so empty and quiet.
It was all I could do to not undo his packing while his back was turned...
Gray and dreary.
And then the sunset did its best to remind me that not all goodbyes are sad...
It was another quiet day at home today. The boys head back to Houston tomorrow, hard to believe it's been three weeks already...time sure does fly. Not looking forward to saying goodbye tomorrow, but trying my best not to dwell on that.
It was another cold and snowy day today. Although we wanted to stay inside where it was warm, we did venture out for a quick trip to the grocery store. Then it was back home for more Breaking Bad (we are finally on season 5!) and some crocheting...
And no day is complete with out a bit of snuggling with the pup!
It started snowing late last night...and continued well in to the day. Probably around 8-9 inches when we shoveled. We stayed in all day rather than venture out. It was warm here, and we had Breaking Bad to keep us company ;)
